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Weird Science

4.12 Genie Detective

Lisa sets up a VR Noir Detective program to escape while the boys are in school. While she’s in the program, everything is black and white and her voice is narrating the action. All of the people in her life are in the film.

Chett appears in a white suit and hat at her office door. (He looks adorable.) She described him this way: “That was when he came into my life. He had gams that went all the way to his feet and eyes in the front of his head – two of them. Add to that a couple of ears, a cute button nose and a pie hole due south of his nostrils. He was a total package, this one, and I couldn’t wait to unwrap him.”

He tells her he’s dying from luminous poison and needs her help to find out who gave it to him. 

They start tracking down clues which lead them to Wyatt as a crooked bookie or something. He gets shot before he can give them answers. Then Lisa goes to see the horse vet, played by Scampi.

Chett, as Roger, sets up a romantic dinner for Lisa wearing a frilly apron. She hits him and tells him she knows he poisoned himself. He says he a virgin and wants one last request – to sleep with her. He kisses her (again, it’s tight-lipped). She agrees, but then realizes he can hear her voiceover. Chett admits that he’s inside the VR game and wanted to have sex with her.

“I figured if you thought I was dying, you’d pound the posturepedic with me.”

She replies, “You made this whole thing up just to get me horizontal?”

Chett says, “Flattered, eh?”

Lisa tells him that if he dies in the VR game, he dies for real. He starts freaking out. She tells him she’ll fulfill his last wish and he goes off on her. “How can you think about sex at a time like this? I’m dying!”

They head to see Gary, who’s a jockey and has the antidote but plays dumb. Lisa knocks him down with one punch.

Chett remarks, “My God, you are an animal in this fantasy, aren’t you?”

Lisa says, “You blew your chance to find out.”

Turns out Wyatt’s character is not dead and is behind the whole plot. Then they discover the real Wyatt has invaded the game as well, but he doesn’t buy Lisa’s story about the game killing Chett, so he won’t give the antidote. Chett dies dramatically and Wyatt panics. Then Chett admits he was faking it early so he could get the antidote.

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The Chett Quotient:

Chett Guh Factor: 9
Chett Intensity: 8
Chett Humor: 7