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Weird Science

4.10 Stalag 16

Chett poses as a reporter to humiliate Scampi. After slipping out of his disguise, Scampi is enraged and chases him all the way home and into a holo deck that Lisa has put up for the boys. The two of them are thrust into the Stalag 16 simulation, where they are U.S. soldiers in a German POW camp, like Hogan’s Heroes.

Chett wears a WWII-era leather jacket with the furred collar. When the prisoners have morning roll call, the commandant speaks to them. Chett calls him a “buttskank” and the officer demands to know who did it. Chett steps up but then all the others do, too, except for Scampi, who rats Chett out. They throw Scampi into the cooler.

Meanwhile, Lisa can find no way to stop the program until it ends – with an escape from the stalag. The boys talk her into going inside. She dresses as an officer with “papers” to have Chett and Scampi transported to another prisoner. The commandant discovers her disguise and has her thrown in the cooler after Scampi leaves.

Later, Scampi comes back to the barracks while Chett and the other prisoners are planning their escape. He demands to be included. So they force him to get dressed as woman so he can distract the commandant while they go to the escape tunnel in his office. It seems the commandant has a weakness for female shotputters, so Scampi pretends to be one.

He tries to drug the commandant, who is remarkably hard to drug. Finally he collapses, but he wraps himself around Scampi’s legs. Chett stays behind to help. “You’re going to live a long life and every minute you’ll know I saw you in lipstick, heels and a 200-pound bag of sauerkraut wrapped around your legs.”

Just as they get Scampi free, officers come in. But Lisa has gotten out of the cooler and bashes their heads. They all escape. Scampi and Chett bond, drinking beer and singing, until Lisa wipes their memory of the game. Scampi only remembers Chett’s humiliation and chases him back into the game for them to start all over again. Scampi says, “I remember this! This time you’re wearing the dress!”

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The Chett Quotient:

Chett Guh Factor: 8
Chett Intensity: 9
Chett Humor: 8