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Weird Science

3.14 Cyborg Sam I Am

Chett is cleaning out his room to make way for a new Soloflex machine. When Wyatt asks how he can afford such a pricey piece of equipment, Chett replies that he sold Wyatt’s laser disc player. And, he boasts, “In 30 days, I’ll be toned, tight and tasty.”

Chett hands over a box of old toys -- stuff he's stolen from Wyatt over the years. Wyatt is excited to see all his "old friends." One of the toys in the box is an action figure called Cyborg Sam -- kind of a robot superhero. He was Wyatt’s favorite toy when he was eight.  

Lisa brings Sam to life, along with several other toys in the box. This includes a ratty old teddy bear that swigs beer and flirts with Lisa and a bimbo Barbie doll that belonged to a cousin, supposedly.

But Sam is noble and his role in life is to protect Wyatt. He even shows up at school to save Wyatt from dodge ball. This embarrasses Wyatt and asks Sam to get lost. Sam pouts and leaves. 

He returns later to find Chett wrestling with Wyatt. (The Teddy Bear has wrecked the house, and all the empty beer bottles and pizza boxes make it look like Wyatt had a wild party. Chett wants to make sure it stays that way so Wyatt will get in trouble. So he's trying to wrestle him into submission and stop him from cleaning up.) When Wyatt asks Sam for help, Sam acts hurt and offended, pointing out that Wyatt said he doesn’t need help anymore. But then Sam hears Wyatt call Chett by name and changes his mind. He wants revenge for Chett sticking a firecracker in his "rear storage compartment." (There’s a flashback to this scene, complete with Chett's bad teen wig.)

Chett taunts Sam. “What’s up with the outfit, Sparky? Looking for the Star Trek convention? Look like you took a wrong turn at Uranus.”

Sam aims his action-hero ray gun at Chett, and Chett aims his paint-ball gun at Sam. Wyatt intervenes and suggests they duke it out instead. They go outside to use the life-size Rock’em Sock’em robots. 

Chett cheats and distracts Sam, getting in a few good punches. Sam won’t cheat because he has the Wyatt Donnelly code of justice ingrained in him. Chett taunts him again, “Pull that tin out of your crack and let’s rumble.” In the end, Sam wins and knocks Chett's block off.

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The Chett Quotient:

Chett Guh Factor: 6
Chett Intensity: 8
Chett Humor: 8