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Weird Science

2.1 Earth Boys are Easy

Chett has the perfect girlfriend. Her name is Rose and she’s like Chett in every way. She’s tough. She likes picking on people and she likes to wear camo green. But when they’re in the café together, Chett makes the mistake ogles another girl and Rose gets mad. 

He tries to apologize, noting that it’s a sign of how comfortable he feels with her than he just be himself. “I don’t really think of you as a chick,” he says. “You don’t think of me as a chick?” she asks, aghast. “More like a guy I can imagine naked,” he replies and is puzzled by his own remark. Rose dumps him and Chett is heartbroken, so he starts taking it out on Wyatt.

Chett writes a poem: “Rose was my girl, the head of my brew, the shine on my dog tags, the spit on my shoe, the kung fu grip on my GI Joe doll. She took my heart with her when she went AWOL.”

Wyatt is sick of getting beat on, so he asks Lisa to find a match for Chett. She opens a portal and throws out a fish line with Chett’s picture on it. A beautiful girl appears the next day. Her name is Ali and she wants Chett. They take her to meet him at the café and he is amazed at his good fortune. Ali even smokes cigars. He takes her home.

Rose stops by, saying she’s changed her mind. She can’t blame him for having a healthy sex drive, she says, and grabs his crotch. He hems and haws and she knows he’s hiding something. She sees Ali and is upset.

Later in the café, Gary squints his eyes to try and see images in one of those magic-eye illusion books, and he discovers Ali is a hideous-looking alien. Lisa and Wyatt squint to see it, too. Lisa asks Ali to go into the rest room with her. As she gets up, Chett touches her arm and asks, “Kisses?” in a baby voice. Hi-larous! Especially when it's the elephant-like green trunk of Ali-the-alien we see him kissing.

Lisa tells Ali to dump Chett, but Ali insists she loves him. Later, the guys overhear Ali calling her home planet to tell them she’s fattening Chett up so she can eat him. Before they can warn Chett, she sticks them all to the wall with slime. 

Ali then proceeds to seduce Chett. She ties him to the bed and tears his shirt off with her teeth, then she licks his nose. Then she spreads whip cream over him and eats it off. She peppers him. Then she spreads mango chutney over him and licks that off. He giggles.

Gary, Wyatt and Lisa manage to get the phone off the hook and call Rose. She charges into the room with a flame-thrower and tells Ali to back off. Ali makes the weapon disappear. "Nice trick," Rose says and jumps on Chett to protect him. "Ladies, don't fight, there's plenty of me to go around," Chett tells them. That's until Rose finally uncovers his eyes, so he sees Ali for what she is and he’s horrified. 

Aly entices him: “Come here my little love snack.”

Chett says, “Not for all the beer in Milwaukee, bug lips,” and gets off the bed.

In rapid-fire dialogue, Chett apologizes to Rose and says he was wrong to take up with Ali. He thanks Rose for coming to save him despite how he treated her. He asks her to wear his dog tags, which are sticky from the chutney. They declare their love for each other and Ali gives up her claim on Chett, then disappears into the wormhole.

A fun and very sexy episode.

Back to Weird Science episode list

Episode Gallery

Oops with Rose
Meeting Ali
Kissy face
Foreplay with Ali
Chett screams
Rose to the rescue

The Chett Quotient:

Chett Guh Factor: 10
Chett Intensity: 10
Chett Humor: 10