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TIME OFF FOR GOOD BEHAVIOR
by Lauren David Peden
Photos by James Geer

CRUNCH Magazine, Winter 2003


THE UPCOMING SEASON OF HBO'S LONG-RUNNING PRISON DRAMA OZ IS TO BE 
ITS LAST, SO CRUNCH DECIDED TO PREP TWO OF ITS STARS FOR AN EARLY 
RELEASE. 

As anyone who watches OZ knows, J.K. Simmons and Lee Tergesen have 
been trading the dark side since Anakin Skywalker was just a glint in 
his father's eye. When Tobias Beecher (Tergesen), a mild-mannered 
blue-blooded lawyer convicted of DWI and vehicular manslaughter, 
first arrived at Oswald State Correctional Facility in 1997, neo-Nazi 
Vern Schillinger (Simmons) took him under his wing – and then raped 
him and branded a swastika on his lily-white ass. Beecher retaliated 
by beating Schillinger senseless and taking a crap in his face.

And that was just for starters. With enough casual violence to make 
Tony Soprano wince, the dastardly duo has played Byzantine cat-and-
mouse games throughout OZ's six-year run, which, to the dismay of the 
show's ardent fans, is coming to an end next spring. Now, though, the 
pair are contemplating life after prison hell. We're grabbing a beer 
in Pravda – a Martini `n' blini bar in SoHo – after a day's filming 
on a sweltering soundstage in Bayonne, New Jersey, where Simmons was 
mightily intimidating in a sleeveless black muscle shirt, freshly 
shaved head and multiple (faux) tattoos. Unfortunately, I was kicked 
off the set by OZ writer-producer Tom Fontana before Tergesen's 
scene. But I did spy him wearing an orange prison jumpsuit, which, in 
the Land of OZ, means Beecher is either up for parole again or being 
arraigned on yet another criminal charge.

Tergesen has changed into a green T-shirt and jeans, Simmons into his 
black "gardening" T and cargo pants, and they exchange equally casual 
banter as we wait for service. Simmons expresses delight over his 
stellar SPIDER-MAN reviews (he played blustery newspaperman J. Jonah 
Jameson), while the quick-witted Tergesen, 37, is griping about being 
misquoted: "I never said that Chris Meloni was a gift to work with. 
That doesn't make sense. It sounds like I'm wrapping him!"

When the waitress finally arrives, it turns out neither actor is much 
of a drinker. "If you wanted a drinking piece, you should've caught 
us the first season," Simmons says.

"Yea, we were bad back then," says Tergesen, a self-described metal 
head, who first came to fame as Terry, the "I love you, man" guy in 
the Wayne's World movies. "Getting drunk, ripping all our clothes off 
in bars. But noooo – nobody cared that first season. Nobody wanted to 
interview us back then. You're too late!"

"I'll toss back the occasional beer now and then, but I'm an old 
married man with two kids," adds the 46-year-old Simmons, who opts 
for an Amstel Light. "Bo-ring."

Tergesen, a young married man with no kids, has given up drinking 
altogether, for reasons he does not reveal. He orders sparkling 
water. So much for getting them buzzed and watching the sparks fly. 
Instead, I listen to them dissect the current season and the fate of 
their characters. "We've hardly worked together at all," says 
Simmons. "We've butted heads in one scene, but I have a feeling it's 
all boiling down to episodes seven and eight."

OZ being all about sin, redemption and retribution, it's obvious that 
one will kill the other in the end. "I hope so!" Tergesen says.

"I assumed that would be the case," agrees Simmons. "But just 
recently I've started thinking that Tom Fontana is so sick that 
Schillinger might be the character that survives."

"Yeah, but then it's all going to be fake," says Tergesen. "I won't 
go down."

"You know, that last episode might not be fake," warns Simmons.

"I mean, it's always real," says Tergesen, his voice rising in mock 
anger.

"It's always real. I've got to imagine I kill you. I kill you!"

Maybe that explains why they don't hang out off set so much. Simmons 
thinks the last time they kicked it was a bowling night during the 
second season. "Yeah, this guy is Captain Family and Captain Work," 
says Tergesen sarcastically. "There was a certain amount of bonding 
that went on like second, third season that we don't do anymore."

A lot of it has to do with the set location in Bayonne, New Jersey – 
a place that offers precious few reasons to linger. But according to 
Tom Fontana, the two "adore each other" in real life. Which must be 
fairly helpful when you're filming scenes of multiple limb fracture, 
murder and (gulp!) oral sex. In fact, Tergesen claims that the only 
difference between OZ, famous for its full-frontal nudity, and gay 
porn is that "OZ doesn't have the cheesy music." [Transcriber's 
note: think again.]

"I was asked in one interview who is the better kisser, Chris Keller 
[Chris Meloni's character] or my wife," says Tergesen, "and I 
said, `Chris Keller, without a doubt, because when I kiss him, I get 
paid.'"

That affection, however, didn't extend to a vacation invitation when 
Tergesen, Fontana and cast mate Dean Winters planned successive trips 
to Cuba and then Rome. "Even when I was single I didn't get invited," 
Simmons complains.

"You were never single," says Tergesen. "When were you single?"

"Well, yeah…"

"You wouldn't have gone, anyway," says Tergesen.

"Of course I wouldn't have gone with you guys," Simmons says with a 
look of disgust. "But you should have asked me."

Instead, Simmons is taking his brood to visit relatives in Illinois 
and Montana (his home state) and then plans to spend a month in 
Seattle, where he did repertory theater in college. "This is our 
first let's-throw-the-kids-in-the-minivan-and-do-a-road-trip-
vacation," he says.

"Nice," says Tergesen.

Days off seem to follow a similar pattern. Simmons spends most of his 
downtime hanging out with his family in the `burbs, while Tergesen is 
more apt to be found on the dance floor at Centro-Fly and Vinyl in 
New York, where he'd gone the weekend before to check out legendary 
DJ Danny Tenaglia. "I used to go to Twilo a lot when Junior Vasquez 
was there, and now I go to Exit."

"Is that the kind of music that's been happening after Jimi Hendrix 
died?" asks Simmons. "That's when I basically stopped turning on the 
radio or buying LPs."

"Did you dance at my wedding?" Tergesen asks him.

"Ask my wife that question," says Simmons, with a sigh. "No, I did 
not dance at your wedding."

Tergesen got married August 2001 at NYC's Studio 450, with renowned 
DJ Randy Bettis (aka Randy B) doing the musical honors. "Lee had the 
coolest wedding in Manhattan history," says Simmons. "And yes, of 
course I left early. I hung out, I had a beer and I went home. It was 
a lovely ceremony."

A lovely ceremony and, as it turned out, an even better honeymoon. At 
the last minute they opted for a cross-country road trip instead of a 
European jaunt that would have concluded on September 11. They were 
back at their Manhattan home when the news broke. "We're sitting in 
our bedroom talking, and we hear some sirens, and Leslie goes, `Oh, 
God – that's something big,'" says Tergesen. "She feels like 
she's `in touch' with things. In my head, I go, `Oh, what the hell 
does she know? Big? It's one fucking siren.' We turn on the radio, 
like in a movie, just in time to hear them say, `The World Trade 
Center has been hit by a plane.' I turned on the television just in 
time to see it." He pauses for effect. "I never doubt her anymore."

Falling in love with Leslie was, according to his Web site 
(leetergesen.net) one of the three defining moments in the life of 
Lee Tergesen, whose first post-OZ projects are the indie film, BARK 
and EXTREME DATING. The other two are being cast as Rosie in POINT 
BREAK, his first major movie, and driving back from a New Orleans 
road trip just in time to be by his mother's side when she died of 
breast cancer in 1989.

"Jksimmons.com was closed down," Simmons counters. It was closed 
because the Web mistress received numerous threats and e-mail bombs 
from people who obviously had a hard time separating fact from 
fiction, Simmons from Schillinger. "I'm still not clear on whether 
[the threats] were from Nazis or if they thought she was promoting 
Nazis," says Simmons.

Simmons then recounts a story about being recognized by an 
overzealous fan on a recent plane ride. "He does this unbelievable 
triple take and goes, `Oh my God! J.K. Simmons! Your first name is 
Jonathan and your birthday is January 9.' I said, `Pal, if you know 
my Social Security number, I'm going to kick your ass.' It turns out 
the guy and his wife were big OZ and LAW & ORDER fans." (Simmons also 
plays shrink Dr. Emil Skoda on the NBC series, going, he says, "from 
psycho to psychiatrist.") Simmons looks incredulous. "I was just 
like, `He knew my birthday!'"

Tergesen laughs and shakes his head. "I came out of a play last year 
and this guy rushes up to me and he's like, `Oh my god, Lee 
Tergesen!' I'm like, `Hey, how ya doing?' He says, `I just saw you in 
there; I went to see the play, too. Could you sign a picture?'" 
Tergesen's eyes widen in horror. "He's got two pictures of me! With 
him!"

"And he goes, `Can I just bother you for a picture?' and he pulls out 
this little disposable camera that he obviously just ran out and 
bought, and I go, `No it's too much.' Him and his friend just stop 
and they're like….[look of dejection]. I go, `No, I'm only kidding.' 
I always like to throw a little scary shit at the people because I 
think that way I'll never have a stalker."

When Tergesen departs – "I can't imagine I can't say everything I 
have to say in 45 minutes and then get the fuck out of here" – 
Simmons stays for dessert. "It's a good time to go," he says. Meaning 
OZ, not Tergesen. "But it will definitely be sad to see it end." His 
post-Oz projects are piling up. He recently shot several pilots, 
including an ABC drama called HOMEWARD BOUND with JoBeth Williams, 
which he just found out didn't get picked up for fall. We also 
discuss his big-screen career (in addition to SPIDER-MAN, Simmons has 
appeared in THE MEXICAN and THE GIFT and is currently shooting the 
Disney western HIDALGO with Viggo Mortensen and OFF THE MAP with Joan 
Allen), parenthood and the difficulties of being separated from his 
family when he's shooting on location.

"If it's less than a week, it's okay," says Simmons. "The first day 
is a huge relief; you get to sleep. And the second day is fine. But 
by the third day it starts to get old, and if it goes on much longer 
than that I'm, like, crying. I can't do it. I just can't. I've got to 
go home." And so he does.

* * *

 

Header image courtesy of the most excellent Nic.  Thank you so much!
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